"How Many Doctors Does It Take..

To Screw Up A Terror Attack?"

"I give up, Osama, how many?"

"None! That's how many! Zero! Never, never again. No doctors, we are done with those arrogant whoreson dogs."

"Apologies, Osama."

"What did I tell you? They give Al-Qaeda a bad name. How many times, Ayman, did we beg them?"

"Many times, 'O'--"

"--Many, many times. 'Just come to a training camp,' we say. 'Don't be silly, Osama, it is not necessary, we are Doctors.' 'For two weeks. That is all. Come in August when you are not so busy.' 'August?!' they cry like stuck-up little Paris Hiltons, 'Do you know how hot Afghanistan is in August? Besides, we've been to med school, Osama. How difficult can it be to blow up a car?' What do we get? A lot of broken glass and one fool with second-degree burns screaming 'Allah, Allah'!"

"You are very right, Osama."

"So from here on out, architects, okay, lawyers, maybe, but the next doctor who wishes an assignment tell him no, no way--"

"--Yes, Osama--"

"Immediately show him the door. No better, have him sign in at the window and take a seat in the waiting room. A cave deep in Tora Bora..."

THE ANNALS OF POLITICAL INOCULATION -- The Clintons Soprano Spoof

You saw it here first! Running Obama's Campaign - The Clintanos --May 27th, 2007

Did the above photo and post inspire The Clintanos Spoof now running on Youtube?

They may have tons of political baggage, but you've got to admit they're smart!

In the above post the Weekly Green Planet complained (while posting the above photoshopped photo) that the New Yorker and Connie Bruck had conveniently, amnesiacally ignored a major Clinton scandal in doing its recent profile of L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa. We also suggested it was a self-interested 'oversight'. The New Yorker, we surmised, has reasons to keep its close ties to Bill and Hill.

But the photo hit home in so many ways. Like Carmela, Hillary is more admired and respected if less loved than her Mafioso husband. And Hillary has silently benefitted from his MacBeth-ian ruthlessness, overlooked his "whooring", hid the money -- Whitewater, the Rose law firm, the stock profits --and is every bit as tainted.

So, if you're a Clinton operative, what do you do to combat this? Remind people that you know and love these characters, flawed as they are. And do it first, before the opposition does!

That's what the Youtube "spoof" is about. It's phenomenal political theater.

Who knows, maybe Democrats "Don't Stop Believin'"and will take that Journey.

But it's a poor bet and a sure bumpy ride. So why, with Barack in the wings, or even John Edwards?

William Jefferson wasted four years of this planet's precious time explaining why he couldn't keep it in his pants and Hillary will spend four years jousting with a vast right wing conspiracy while making Margaret Thatcher look like the Ivory Girl.

The smart Dems are humming "Won't Get Fooled Again!"

RUNNING BARACK OBAMA'S CAMPAIGN (PT. 2) -- The Clintanos

Tony Bill Clinton Soprano and his lovely wife Carmelary

enjoyin' happy times in t'erapy together

Granted, Connie Bruck's "Fault Lines" article in this week's New Yorker is hardly a paean to Tony Villaraigosa. It paints Los Angeles' new mayor as a man terminally on the make. "They'll never get me," he's quoted as saying, "I'm like Bill Clinton."

But is it really possible to write a long profile about our new mayor without any mention whatsoever of his efforts to get Bill Clinton to pardon Carlos Vignali's crack dealer son? This incident was publicized even before Villaraigosa got the hots to run for mayor in 2001, and it may well have cost him that election. Perhaps it's an innocent omission.

Admittedly it's an "old" scandal and then you'd have to remind readers Hugh Rodham received 400,000 dollars as a fee for Vignali's son's eventual pardon (yes, of course, he did get it from Bill) and that Hugh is Hillary's brother and I suppose that might have tilted the article a smidgeon to far from the Left Coast, making it a shade too parochial, too local, too... New York.

So why annoy Bill, or readers who are Hillary supporters? (Do I smell a bigger profile in the works -- one of the New York Senator?)

Then don't raise an unpleasant ordure. Wait until she gets nominated and let the Republicans do it! This kind of wisdom has cost us winnable elections in the past. And some Democrats might prefer a candidate who doesn't have to continually rise out of the slime.

Is this being too hard on the Clintons? Well, did Monica, Whitewater, the Rose law firm and that messy bit with the pardons at the end have anything at all to do with Pope W's election?

The sarcasm, if you haven't noticed, is thick here. Today's Sunday New York Times notes that Hill was among the last of the major candidates to withdraw from the Fox News-sponsored debate planned for next September, and you need only look to last weekend's "Eco-Tecture" issue of their Sunday magazine for broad hints of how spotty the Clinton environmental record was, including extremely luke-warm support of Kyoto.

As was presciently suggested by the Weekly Green Planet months ago, yes, Fabian Nunez, one of the two prime movers in advancing the date of the California primary supports Hillary.

Trailing in Iowa, her staff cleverly leaked a memo yesterday so she could scotch the rumor she's going to ignore Iowa while laying the predicate for its irrelevance. Basically, she has to give it less attention because that's what the primary season is going to demand of her. Not that she had anything to do with it.

Harry Shearer's public radio show LeShow has long enjoyed twitting the C's with a sound-alike spoof he calls "Clinton-Something". I'm looking forward to their last installments, hopefully this year.

But if they, the Clintons, garner the Democratic nomination he should rename and reframe it for another soon-to-be-defunct TV show -- The Clintanos -- with B. eating big bowls of ice cream and taking care of the family business while Carmelary is off building her spec house, a white one, in Washington.

Cheney Contemplating ‘Vice Presidential’ Pardon For Libby

Dismayed by Lewis ‘Scooter’ Libby’s conviction on obstruction of justice charges today, Vice President Cheney is considering granting his former Chief of Staff a pardon. Seen here examining the Constitution, when questioned the testy Veep sneered, "If I can reveal state secrets and expose a CIA agent with impunity, what makes you think I can't grant pardons? Might even grant myself one." Before returning to his reading, the irritable Vice Head of State was heard to chuckle sourly, "Besides, who’s going to gainsay me, Tony Scalia?"

More Than 'Inconvenient': Al 'Green' Gore Assaulted By Policy Whores

Nice as it was to win an Oscar for "An Inconvenient Truth," Al Gore immediately became a target. First, for those who think he should run for President again. In his present wide-bodied condition, 'run' is a euphemism. Thrilled with this incarnation of our former vice president, we don't see a need.
Why throw another log on the Democratic Presidential fires? They're burning hotly enough. Gore is truly an example of a candidate who looks best with his hat on and not in the ring. (In contrast to Obama who has Republican pundits hyperventilating about 'sizzle' and 'rock star status' desperately fanning the hope, a wish, that they are not up against the real deal--a candidate with durable class and charisma. Good Luck to you, sirs.)

Al Gore running for President would, and he seems to know it, be a colossal waste of precious fossil fuel. He's become a rock star in the global politics of energy and has most to offer there. "More than inconvenient" is what the truth of global climate change truly is. And getting the world to work on an extremely thorny issue will take some doing. Particularly since there are still 'bad actors' who have not yet faced the ostracism their unreconstructed views deserver. For example...

Gore’s award inspired Fox’s Sean Hannity to dredge up a worm from something called the Tennessee Center for Policy Research to whack him with the claim his home uses 20 times the energy of the national household average. The center is a right wing non-profit claiming non-partisanship and admittedly promoting “free enterprise” that keeps its donor list hidden. They are paid distorters and obfuscators. There are dozens and dozens of these right wing shells. Hannity then harangued Ed Begley, Jr., demanding Begley say Gore is a hypocrite. “Isn’t that what hypocrisy is?!”

Sean, a hypocrite is what you are, a long-term global warming skeptic who says he wants to drive his SUV without anyone or any organization saying nay who then lambasts others for excessive energy use. That’s a hypocrite. The fellow being paid by The TCPR, on the other hand, is a policy whore. (We’ve allowed these ‘bad actors’ to corrupt the air of our political environment without exacting a price; we hope to suggest how these individuals might be dealt with in future columns.)

Fox’s Hannity, on the other hand, has an audience that delights in his social irresponsibility and gives them and his corporate allies a certain number of free “Hannity jobs" just for fun.

Untangling the knot of corporate bad actors in support of these think tanks is the work of groups like MediaMatters.org and other who deserve our support.

Bombing Of Cheney Rejected By Americans

Seeing the failed assault on the extremely unpopular Vice President for a cynical attempt to divide those who overwhelming reject the Iraq War, Democrats and Independents joined with Republicans in condemning the suicide bomber who attacked the main gate of Bagram Air Force Base as Cheney awoke there this morning.

"Look, it's way too easy. Sure, a lot of us are furious at Dick Cheney. But blowing him up will only make him a martyr and do nothing to reverse the incalculable damage he's done to American interests and our prestige abroad," a spokesperson for a contributor to MoveOn.org opined. "We stand behind our Vice President. Just not directly behind him. And, in certain regions, we try not to stand too near him, either."

A number of theories have been proposed including purported links to Harry Whittington. (See: Was it Harry? )

Barack, Hillary, Washington Weather

You heard it predicted here first, the unprecedented unpresident did, in fact, finally speak the words "global climate change" during the State of the Union. That little concession to reality, and 500 million dollars, will get the future George W. Bush Presidential Library sited wherever some very needy municipality will allow it. Hey, wait, how bout NEW ORLEANS!?



Apparently, Frank Gehry was prevailed upon to go back to his earlier 'deconstructivist' work in designing the Bush edifice.

On other weather fronts, the Clintons are already busily working to tilt the primary process in favor of their lady.

Moves are afoot in several "Big" states -- California, Michigan, Florida and New Jersey -- to move up the dates of their primaries, this under the guise of giving large electoral entities their "fair" share of clout. It's backed by Clinton supporters in sheep's clothing. In California, e.g., Chris Lehane, former special Asst. Counsel to Pres. Bill, has a 527 collecting signatures to move up the primary.

If you'd prefer the primary season be an opportunity to see how potential candidates perform you should OPPOSE it. (It favors well-funded frontrunners -- Hillary -- and will put a gun to the head of undecideds to pick the nominee without any of the candidates -- Obama -- gaining 'seasoning', or traction.)

We need to push back these efforts before they get rolling. These bills are just now being introduced into state legislatures. Even if you're a Hillary supporter, she needs the test she'll only get if we force her to run a long, hard primary campaign.

In California, the two dems behind the bill to move up the primary are: State Speaker Fabian Nunez Assemblymember.Nunez@assembly.ca.gov and Senate Pro Tem Senator.Perata@sen.ca.gov

It is NOT too early to email these gentlemen as concerned Democrats and insist they cease and desist.

The article below, which is studiedly "neutral" about the real reasons for this push, is from sfgate.com
************************************************************************
Carla Marinucci: Internet push now behind plan to move up 2008 primary in California

The effort to move up the California 2008 presidential primary to February may have gotten another key boost today as grassroots activists launched a serious internet outreach effort aimed at reaching more than 30,000 state with petitions to support the idea.

Rick Jacobs, chair of CourageCampaign.org -- a 527 MoveOn-style coalition founded to support Democratic intersts in 2004 -- says the ramped up internet effort began Thursday to collect hundreds of thousands of voters' signatures. They will be forwarded to Assembly Speaker Fabian Nunez, as part of the effort asking that the legislature move forward on the February primary idea "so Californians can have a voice in the election," he says.

Jacobs says many Democratic California voters were angered in 2004 when a few thousand mostly white voters in Iowa and New Hampshire virtually decided the Democratic party nominee -- U.S. Senator John Kerry -- leaving supporters of other candidates like former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean out in the cold.

"We're going to work every possible way so we get a voice,'' says Jacobs.

The organization's pitch: "Sign our petition and forward it to your friends so we don't have to pay $2300 to shake hands with a candidate. It's time Hillary, Obama, Edwards, McCain, Hagel and the others visit California's voters, not just donors. We're the most diverse state in the country and the fifth largest economy in the world ... Sign our petition to ensure these candidates actually talk to us about our hopes and dreams, not just raid our wallets."

Top California political strategist Chris Lehane -- the former Clinton White House spokesman -- says that the such efforts may just be the beginning of a wave to push for an early primary, which he says "would be good for the state, the economy -- and the political parties."

**************************************************************

This idea is "good" for Hillary only, who apparently already feels she needs to nail it down immediately or risk losing it. She needs to earn it. And, as was proved last election cycle, a well-fought contest with lots of debates and exposure for Democratic candidates is a blessing, not a hindrance.

This veiled, self-serving hokum makes you wonder just how desparate the Clinton forces are.

... CLIMATE CHANGE IN WASHINGTON... Bush Takes Late-Year Dip with Polar Bears

December 29, 2006, Washington, DC -- In another 360-degree about-face, the Bush Administration ("What do you mean we denied 'global warming'? We were always against it, and still are.") indirectly acknowledged the natural disaster it has spent 6 crucial years vigorously abetting when the Interior Department proposed Wednesday to designate polar bears as a threatened species, saying that the accelerating loss of the Arctic ice that is the bears’ hunting platform has led biologists to believe that bear populations will decline, perhaps sharply, in the coming decades.
staying at the paris hilton
"It was either swim with the polar bears, or my 'legacy' was going to be ‘swimming with the fishes’, heh-heh," the poll-plummeting Chief Executive explained today with his characteristic, inappropriate-nervous villain’s chuckle. "Karl said my reputation was about to be absolutely shredded. Like those itty-bitty pieces of fish they throw in the ocean to catch bigger ones with, you know, whadaya call it?"

"Chum!" one reporter shouted brightly.

"Hey!" the President snarled, "Just cause I'm chatting with you folks is no excuse to get over-familiar. In any case, this move is completely in keeping with my administration’s long-standing approach to disasters, both natural and man-made, and that is to first miss the boat, then sink it and then to pretend we were always on-board. Now if you've got any more questions, ask Tony. He's the High Commissioner of Snow around here."

In a conference call with reporters, Interior Secretary Dirk Kempthorne went on to say that although the decision to seek protection for polar bears acknowledged the melting ice, his department was not taking a position on why the ice was melting or what to do about it.

"Some folks have said when you've got melting ice make gin-and-tonics!" Kempthorne elaborated. "No one in this administration, of course. Or any longer in this administration."

THE WAY FORWARD IN HOLLYWOOD

Since my Iraq Study Group broke up I’ve been sort of at loose ends. It started as a book group that met twice a month to share pics of our grandkids and discuss our readings. In fact, we’d only just finished Marly & Me before taking up Iraq. But this time afterwards everybody agreed the group needed a break. So I asked my friend Bob what he’d be doing during our hiatus and he said he might be tied up for awhile, but did I realize how many "good" movies there were to see?

I was insulted at first, I was hoping he’d take the hint and find me work. But he told me, relax, I was probably better off not getting the DoD on my resume just now, and had I seen "The Good Shepherd"? Well, I thought that was odd, even though he used to head the CIA. But when he asked if I’d report back on "The Good German" and I said, sure, of course, he could count on me, he looked around and, seeing no one watching, slipped me an envelope. He wanted me to look into some suspicious activity. Hollywood, they were at it again. We all know the media can’t be trusted to point out the "good" we’re doing in the world. So what was going on? Bob asked me to get to the bottom of it and make my findings public.

I don’t have to tell you, he had given me quite a list. This year alone had produced four notable ‘good’ films. Along with The Good Sheperd and The Good German, there had been A Good Year with Russell Crowe and a British PBS deal called A Good Murder; and that didn’t take into account The Good Life, a movie with Bill Paxton and Harry Dean Stanton and Zooey Deschanel that’s due out next year. Not to mention last year’s Good Night & Good Luck. My first thought was George ‘Do-Gooder’ Clooney was behind this, since he was a common thread, so I called him. Right off, he admitted it. He was only interested in making ‘good’ movies. But I said, "George, this looks media-wide to me."

"I don’t control the media," he opined. ("Opining" is a favorite smart alec Liberal way of replying according to Bill O’Reilly.) It was a denial which, you’ll agree, coming from the "Sexiest Man Alive," is as good as him tacitly saying he does control the media.

But what was the idea, was this a whitewash? Was Hollywood trying to wrap itself up in ‘goodness’ to get America to believe it was not a tool of the insurgents, or terrorists, or communists, or whomever it was who’d gotten us into so much trouble around the world lately? "I really couldn’t say," Mr. Clooney lied, and then said he had more urgent business to attend to, world hunger or some genocide to help stop. As Don Rumsfeld would say, "My goodness!"

Finally, I went to see these films, The Good Shepherd and The Good German, or The Good German Shepherd as some wags have put it. I was surprised, it was like watching movies from the good old days, when America was the bastion of all that was right and good. Both films harked back to WWII, the last really ‘good’ war, where ‘good’ and ‘evil’ were clear as night and day. (By the way, another film simply titled "Good" is due in 2008 with Viggo Mortensen. Again, about the rise of National Socialism).

Then it hit me. It was a classic case of misdirection. The abundance of ‘good’ movies all concealed the same thing – the absence of ‘great’ movies, the movies Hollywood was no longer making! Sure, The Good German was ‘good’, but it was no Casablanca, or The Third Man. And neither was The Good Shepherd.

Where had all the great movies gone, movies like The Great Escape or The Great McGinty, The Great Santini or The Great White Hope? Or even the not-so-great great movies like The Great Impostor or The Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure?

So America, this Holiday Season when you’re deciding which movies to take the family to see, take your time. Like the extended shopping in this era of ‘gift cards’, it pays to wait. And be patient with our president, who’s also weighing all his extremely limited alternatives. Maybe revisit a great old movie, like It’s A Wonderful Life, or White Christmas (with that great song, "I’m Dreaming Of A Way Forward"). And relax. Things will (eventually) get better. For example, they already have a great movie coming out in 2007, The Great Buck Howard with John Malkovich.

Peace & Happy New Year.

Yours Truly,

Big Jim "I Wished I’d Never Gotten Involved In That Recount" Baker