Cheney Contemplating ‘Vice Presidential’ Pardon For Libby

Dismayed by Lewis ‘Scooter’ Libby’s conviction on obstruction of justice charges today, Vice President Cheney is considering granting his former Chief of Staff a pardon. Seen here examining the Constitution, when questioned the testy Veep sneered, "If I can reveal state secrets and expose a CIA agent with impunity, what makes you think I can't grant pardons? Might even grant myself one." Before returning to his reading, the irritable Vice Head of State was heard to chuckle sourly, "Besides, who’s going to gainsay me, Tony Scalia?"

Bombing Of Cheney Rejected By Americans

Seeing the failed assault on the extremely unpopular Vice President for a cynical attempt to divide those who overwhelming reject the Iraq War, Democrats and Independents joined with Republicans in condemning the suicide bomber who attacked the main gate of Bagram Air Force Base as Cheney awoke there this morning.

"Look, it's way too easy. Sure, a lot of us are furious at Dick Cheney. But blowing him up will only make him a martyr and do nothing to reverse the incalculable damage he's done to American interests and our prestige abroad," a spokesperson for a contributor to MoveOn.org opined. "We stand behind our Vice President. Just not directly behind him. And, in certain regions, we try not to stand too near him, either."

A number of theories have been proposed including purported links to Harry Whittington. (See: Was it Harry? )